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2021

  • 3 min read

On Having Too Little to Say

I volunteered to take the stage at a Toastmasters meeting at the Sheraton Tower to challenge myself in impromptu speaking. The Table Topics Master randomly chose a topic for me, giving me two minutes to discuss it. This form of communication requires spontaneous speaking without prior preparation. About 50 people were staring at me. A timer in front of me was tracking the duration of my speech. I opened by asking, "Let's see how many of you consider yourselves to be leaders. If you are a leader, please raise your hand." Roughly half the audience raised their hands.

I set the tone by describing a project in my MBA program where I led by demonstrating how to accomplish tasks rather than blaming others and dictating what they should do. As I began discussing leadership through example rather than micromanagement, I found that I had run out of things to say. Anxiety flooded me as my mind blanked. Glancing at the timer seated in front of the stage, I noticed that only thirty seconds had passed. The audience's eyes were fixed on me, and as a minute elapsed, I decided it was time to formulate a satisfying conclusion. I ended by encouraging everyone to strive to be excellent leaders and to practice public speaking. My speech fell short, concluding at one minute and thirty seconds, not even reaching the two-minute mark.

If I could turn back time, I would have prepared in advance. The topic was unpredictable, and I had no way of anticipating it. However, if I had cultivated a habit of reflective thinking, I could have been better prepared. I would read more books and newspapers and maintain a database of quick-reference information. I'd gather a diverse set of life experiences to share compelling stories when the opportunity arose. Daily writing would enhance my skills; it serves as both a form of retention and a source of inspiration for me. If life isn't offering anything new or interesting, then there's nothing new to learn. While I’ve internalized some speaking guidelines and structures, including an opening statement, supporting arguments, and illustrative examples, more practice would allow me to express myself more freely.

Generally speaking, I need to work hard and practice more so that I'm not left with too little to say. Spending time gathering ideas, enriching my life, and learning new vocabulary could help me express myself more effectively and inspire others to take action and become great leaders. Initially, it might be challenging to incorporate these principles into my speeches, but persistence is key. Success is only a matter of time. It's better to have more to say than to fall short; articulate and fluent speakers are often perceived as stronger leaders. In an age marked by fear, uncertainty, and doubt (FUD), my commitment to improving as a leader remains steadfast. I admire those who can lead effectively and contribute to making our society better for current and future generations.

  • in zh
  • 1 min read

關於話說得太少

我主動義務在喜來登大廈的一次Toastmasters會議中上台發言，以挑戰我自己在即興演講中的表現。台上主題的主持人隨機為我選擇了一個主題，給我兩分鐘的時間來討論。這種形式的溝通需要在沒有事先準備的情況下即興演講。大約50人正在盯著我看。我的面前有一個記時器在記錄我的講話時間。我開始問道："讓我們看看有多少人認為自己是一位領導者。如果你是一位領導者，請舉手。"差不多有一半的觀眾舉手了。

我通過描述我在MBA課程中的一個項目來設置語氣，我在該項目中通過示範如何完成任務來領導，而不是責怪別人並指示他們該做什麼。當我開始討論如何通過示例來領導而不是微觀管理時，我發現自己已經無話可說了。我心裡充滿了焦慮，我的腦袋一片空白。看著舞台前的計時器，我注意到只過去了三十秒。觀眾的眼睛都盯著我，在一分鐘過去了以後，我決定該構想一個令人滿意的結束語了。我結束時鼓勵所有人都努力成為優秀的領導者，並練習公開演講。我的演講時間不夠，結束在一分鐘三十秒，甚至都沒有達到兩分鐘。

如果我能回到過去，我會提前準備。議題無法預測，沒有辦法知道會提取何种議題。但如果我有搭建反思思維的習慣，我就能更好的準備了。我會閱讀更多的書籍和報紙，並保持一個快速參考資訊的數據庫。我將聚集各種多樣的生活經驗，以在機會出現時分享引人入勝的故事。每日寫作會提高我的技巧，既是我保持的一種形式，也是我找到靈感的來源。如果生活中沒有任何新鮮有趣的事，那麽也就沒有新的東西可以學習了。儘管我已經內化了一些演講指導方針和結構，包括開場白、支援論點和說明性例子，但更多的練習會讓我能更自由地表達自己。

一般來說，我需要更努力且多練習，這樣我就不會說得太少。花時間收集想法，豐富自己的生活，學習新的詞彙可以幫助我更有效地表達自己並激勵他人採取行動，成為偉大的領導者。一開始可能很難將這些原則融入到我的演講中，但堅持就是關鍵。成功只是時間的問題。有更多的話要說總比沒有話說好，口齒伶俐和流暢的演說者往往被認為是更強的領導者。在一個充滿恐懼、不確定性和懷疑（FUD）的時代，我對於自我提升為一名領導者的承諾始終如一。我欣賞那些能有效領導並為現在和未來的世代創造更好社會的人們。

  • 2 min read

On Feeling Uncomfortable Around Others

Have you ever felt uneasy speaking in front of a group of people? I certainly have. This fear is common; nearly everyone experiences stage fright to some extent. My own apprehension became clear to me when I had to give a speech at a conference.

At the event, I was scheduled to speak and realized that I knew only three people in the audience. The thought of speaking to a room full of strangers made my heart race. Although I had read extensively about public speaking techniques, the reality was a different matter. Initially, I felt obligated to engage in conversations, which added to my discomfort. When it was my turn to speak, my mind went blank and my fight-or-flight response kicked in, elevating my blood pressure. As I concluded my speech, I pondered how best to leave a lasting impression, whether through humor or a poignant story.

I realized that instead of being self-centered, I should have engaged the audience by making eye contact and asking questions. Adding value to their lives, rather than merely speaking about myself, would have been a better way to garner attention and appreciation. Observing the audience’s reactions helped me relax and focus more on their needs than on my own insecurities. This shift in focus alleviated my initial tension and allowed me to appreciate the social interaction.

It's essential to spend time cultivating relationships to prevent discomfort in social settings. Numerous studies indicate that positive relationships significantly impact our happiness and help manage stress. This social engagement acts as an antidote to depression and is crucial for long-term well-being.

As I transitioned from a software engineer to a manager, my role evolved from solving technical problems to helping others solve a broader range of issues. I've learned that focusing solely on my own abilities is not sustainable. Instead, I need to trust others and feel comfortable around them. This shift from a technical focus to a people-oriented approach is not just about leveraging others' technical skills, but also about drawing on their interpersonal abilities. Learning to trust and feel at ease around others is a journey motivated by love and respect, and it is one that I am committed to continuing.

  • in zh
  • 1 min read

關於在他人面前感到不自在

你有沒有在公眾面前講話時感到不自在？我確實有過。這種恐懼是很常見的；幾乎每個人都有一定程度的舞臺恐懼。我對這種恐懼有明確的認識，當我在會議上發表演講的時候。

在活動中，我被安排發表演講，並意識到我只認識觀眾中的三個人。對滿房子的陌生人講話的想法讓我的心脈繁快。雖然我已經詳細研讀了公開演講的技巧，但實際情況卻完全不同。起初，我覺得自己必須參與對話，這增加了我的不安。輪到我講話時，我的腦袋一片空白，我的戰鬥或逃跑反應開始了，使我的血壓升高。當我結束我的演講時，我在思考如何留下深刻的印象，無論是通過幽默還是動人的故事。

我意識到，我應該專注於與觀眾互動，而非自我中心，這包括了與他們保持眼神接觸並提問。為他們的生活增加價值，而不僅僅是講述我自己，這樣會是一種更好的吸引注意力並獲得尊重的方式。觀察觀眾的反應幫助我放鬆下來，並更多地關注他們的需求，而不是自己的不安全感。轉讓注意力緩解了我的最初的緊張，並讓我對社交互動有了更多的欣賞。

在社交場合避免感到不安，培養人際關係的時間非常重要。大量研究表明，積極的人際關係對我們的快樂有顯著影響，並有助於壓力管理。這種社交互動作為抗壓劑，對長期福祉至關重要。

隨著我由軟件工程師轉為經理，我的角色由解決技術問題轉變為幫助他人解決更廣泛的問題。我逐漸明白，僅依靠自己的能力是無法持續的。相反，我需要信任他人，並對他們感到自在。從技術導向轉變為以人為本的方法，不僅是利用他們的技術技能，還包括挖掘他們的人際關係能力。學習信任並對他人感到自在，是由愛和尊重所驅使的旅程，我承諾要持續做下去。

  • 2 min read

Leading the Way

I remember the first day of my MBA program's orientation as chaotic and uncertain. The course coordinator had organized a charity project for us: constructing a wooden playground for a primary school. Given that many of us had backgrounds in finance and office work, and none in architecture or construction, we were lost. We had just two days to complete this challenging project.

In the initial phase, I had the opportunity to take charge. Instead, I held back, waiting for someone else to lead. I was concerned about embarrassing myself in front of my peers, with whom I'd be spending the next two years. My classmates were proactive and outgoing, while I chose the role of a follower, in part due to my demanding day job. I focused on completing tasks quickly and efficiently, thinking that was merit enough.

Reflecting on that experience three years later, I recognize the mistake I made. Introversion shouldn't prevent me from sharing my ideas or leading a team, irrespective of age, culture, or job title. In that chaotic situation, many were looking for someone to lead, to provide direction and delegate tasks. While I was effective as an individual contributor, completing small tasks like building a slide, the broader project required teamwork and leadership to construct the entire playground.

Leadership is crucial for success, not just in business but also in social and personal spheres. Now more than ever, amidst global tensions and uncertainties, I must exercise self-confidence and step into leadership roles. Effective leadership isn't for personal gain; it's about genuinely helping others and taking responsibility for the group's success and well-being.

I am committed to turning this weakness into a strength. There are myriad opportunities to lead—whether by joining organizations, volunteering, or speaking up in public settings. The path to success through leadership isn't about my achievements, but rather about facilitating the success of a larger group. I must lead, and keep leading, for the betterment of all involved.

  • in zh
  • 1 min read

引領道路

我記得在我的MBA課程的迎新日，情況混亂且不確定。課程協調員為我們組織了一個慈善項目：為一所小學建一個木製遊樂場。鑑於我們中有許多人的背景是金融和辦公室工作，沒有人是建築或建築工作，我們感到迷失。我們只有二天時間來完成這個具挑戰性的項目。

在初期階段，我有機會掌握主導權。相反，我卻退縮，等待其他人來領導。我擔心在我的同儕面前尷尬，我將度過接下來的兩年。我的同學都是主動和外向的，而我選擇了跟隨者的角色，一部分是因為我的日間工作要求很高。我專注於快速有效地完成任務，認為這就足夠有價值。

三年後反思那次經驗，我認識到我犯了一個錯誤。內向不應該阻止我分享我的想法或領導一個團隊，無論年齡，文化或職稱。在那種混亂的情況下，許多人都在尋找領導者來提供方向並分派任務。雖然我作為一個個體貢獻者能夠有效地完成小任務，如建築滑梯，但整個項目需要團隊合作和領導力來建築整個遊樂場。

領導力對成功至關重要，不僅在商業上，也在社會和個人範疇中。現在，更是如此，在全球緊張和不確定的狀態下，我必須展現自信並擔任領導職務。有效的領導不是為了個人利益；它是真正幫助他人並為團體的成功和福祉負責。

我決定將這種弱點轉化為優勢。有很多機會領導 - 通過加入組織，做志願者，或者在公共場合發言。通過領導力取得成功的道路不在於我的成就，而是在於推動一個更大的團體的成功。我必須領導，並持續領導，為了所有參與者的福祉。

  • 2 min read

On Having a Social Circle That Is Too Small

As an expatriate working and living in a foreign country, I've found that my social circle is quite small. While most of my friends reside in my home country and I communicate with them through my work, this limited network puts me at a disadvantage. For instance, I recently had to vacate my apartment due to an unexpected lease termination and found myself scrambling to find a new place. Without a broad social network to guide me, I ended up in a less-than-ideal living situation. It was then that I realized the importance of having a more extensive social network for practical advice, such as finding affordable housing.

If I had a larger social circle, I could have approached this situation differently. Beyond my colleagues, I need to expand my connections by actively participating in various social activities. As an introvert, my default weekend activity is reading books at home, but I need to venture out and engage in public speaking clubs, sports, or cultural groups. The internet also offers an opportunity to connect with people I wouldn't ordinarily meet. Writing blog posts or hosting podcasts can help me understand perspectives different from my own and enable collaborative truth-seeking.

There are three main reasons why I plan to post regularly to address this issue. First, blogging allows me to connect with people outside of my immediate social circle, while also helping me articulate my thoughts better. Having already explored these thoughts in my blog posts, I can more effectively communicate with strangers. Second, I have valuable insights to share. The Feynman Technique, named after my favorite physicist Richard Feynman, posits that explaining something in simple terms helps to identify gaps in one's understanding. Blogging serves as a platform to apply this technique, enabling me to both solidify my own understanding and share knowledge with others. Finally, regular writing encourages self-reflection. Inspired by Jordan Peterson's "12 Rules for Life," participating in exercises like the ones on his self-authoring website can have a profound impact on my personal development and that of others who are outside my current social circle.

In conclusion, the limitations of a small social circle have become increasingly apparent to me. Actively working to expand this circle, whether through in-person interactions or online engagement, will not only improve my life practically but will also enrich it by opening up avenues for learning and personal growth.

  • in zh
  • 1 min read

擁有過小的社交圈子

作為一個在外國工作生活的僑民，我發現我的社交圈子相當小。雖然大部分的朋友都住在我的祖國，而我則透過我的工作與他們聯繫，但這樣的有限網絡讓我處於不利的狀況。例如，我最近因突如其來的租約終止而不得不離開我的公寓，發現自己哪裡都找不到新的住處。沒有廣泛的社交網絡指導我，我最後陷入了一種不太理想的生活狀況。那時我才意識到擁有更廣泛的社交網絡的重要性，用於獲取實際的建議，例如尋找可負擔的住房。

如果我的社交圈子更大，我本可以用不同的方式來應對這種情況。除了同事外，我需要通過積极參與各種社交活動來擴大我的人脈。作為一個內向的人，我默認的週末活動是在家看書，但我需要走出去與公共演講俱樂部，運動或文化團體進行互動。互聯網也提供了一個我通過參與博客寫作或主持播客，來了解與我不同的觀點並實現共享真理的機會。

我計劃定期發佈帖子來處理這個問題，主要有三個原因。首先，部落格寫作能夠讓我連接到我的直接社交圈子以外的人，同時也幫助我更好地陳述我的想法。有了這些在我的博客文章中已經探索過的思想，我可以更有效地與陌生人交流。其次，我有寶貴的見解可以分享。我最喜歡的物理學家理查德·費曼命名的費曼技術，假設用簡單的術語解釋某事可以幫助人們找出自己理解中的缺口。部落格寫作就是一個應用這種技術的平台，使我能夠鞏固我自己的理解和與他人分享知識。最後，定期寫作鼓勵自我反思。双重參與像喬丹·彼得森的《生活的12條規則》，在他的自我寫作網站上的一些練習，對我的個人成長和那些在我現有社交圈之外的人有著深遠的影響。

總之，對我來說，社交圈子的限制越來越明顯。積極地擴大這個圈子，無論是通過面對面的互動還是在線參與，不僅會在實質上改善我的生活，還會通過開放學習和個人成長的途徑來豐富我的生活。

  • 2 min read

On Being More Socially Skilled

We can use our social skills to build connections, influence decisions, and inspire change. However, during a recent class, social anxiety held me back. When the speaker asked for volunteers to ask questions or share their opinions, the room fell silent. No one raised their hand; no one dared to speak. Social skills are crucial for both my professional and personal growth, and their absence would be detrimental. Since I'm an expatriate who doesn't know many people here, I drove two hours to attend the event and expand my network. I did engage with locals seated next to me, learned from their life stories, and made new connections. But often, I found myself sitting in a corner, unseen and silent. Though hiding may feel comfortable and spare me any potential embarrassment, it also holds me back from engaging with others. To avoid awkward situations, I even left the class without making eye contact.

To better handle such situations, I need to overcome my social anxiety. Even celebrities experience nervousness; I'm not alone. I need to stop doubting myself and envisioning worst-case scenarios. The truth is, I have the skills and capabilities to handle these social settings successfully. Preparing opening lines in advance and practicing social engagement can boost my confidence. My networking shouldn't be limited to MBA events and formal dinners. I need to let go of the quest for perfection and recognize that mistakes are a part of the learning process. I don't have to compare myself to seasoned public speakers who have spent years honing their craft. Arriving early to familiarize myself with the venue and engaging with the audience can also ease my anxiety. If I don't manage to establish a meaningful connection immediately, it's not the end of the world.

In essence, the best way to improve my social skills is through practice. Whether the feedback is positive or negative, interactions with strangers provide valuable learning experiences. Frequent social engagements can help me overcome shyness and eventually alleviate my anxiety about speaking to strangers. It's important to remember that I'm not the focal point in these settings; I'm merely a participant. My fear of social interactions won't subside if I let my ego dominate my thoughts. Taking a deep breath, relaxing, and conversing naturally can go a long way. I have valuable contributions to make, courtesy of my wide reading habits, which provide me with current information, news, and even jokes. Finally, I should aim for a balance of friendliness and enthusiasm, enough to initiate a conversation but not so much that it scares people away. Developing social skills is a journey that takes time and effort, but it's a crucial investment for my future.

  • in zh
  • 1 min read

關於更具社交技巧

我們可以使用我們的社交能力來建立聯繫，影響決策，並激發變革。然而，在最近的一堂課上，社交焦慮阻止了我。當講師要求自願者提問或分享他們的觀點時，教室裡一片沉默。沒有人舉手，沒有人敢於說話。 社交技巧對我的專業和個人成長至關重要，缺乏它將是不利的。由於我是一名不認識這裡的許多人的外籍人士，我開車兩小時參加這次活動並擴大我的網絡。我确实與坐在我旁邊的當地人進行了交流，從他們的生活故事中學習，並建立了新的聯繫。但是，我經常發現自己坐在角落裡，無人問津，默默無語。雖然躲藏可能讓我感到舒適，並使我免受任何潛在的尷尬，但它也阻止了我與他人交往。為了避免尷尬的情況，我甚至沒有眼睛接觸就離開了課堂。

為了更好地處理這種情況，我需要克服我的社交焦慮。即使是名人也會感到緊張；我並不孤單。我需要停止懷疑自己，不再想象最壞的情況。事實上，我有技能和能力成功處理這些社交場合。提前準備開場白並實踐社交參與可以提高我的自信心。我的網絡不應僅限於MBA活動和正式晚餐。我需要放下追求完美的追求，承認錯誤是學習過程的一部分。我不需要將自己與花費多年精雕細琢技巧的經驗豐富的公眾演說者比較。提前到達以熟悉場地和與觀眾交流也可以緩解我的焦慮。如果我無法立即建立有意義的聯繫，這並不是世界的盡頭。

從本質上講，提升我的社交技巧的最好辦法是通過實踐。無論反饋是積極的還是消極的，與陌生人的互動都提供了寶貴的學習經驗。頻繁的社交活動可以幫助我克服羞怯，並最終減輕我對與陌生人說話的焦慮。重要的是要記住，我不是這些設置中的焦點；我只是一個參與者。如果我讓自我主義支配我的思想，我對社交互動的恐懼不會消退。深深地呼吸，放鬆，自然地對話可以大有裨益。我有寶貴的貢獻，我的廣泛閱讀習慣為我提供了當前的信息，新聞，甚至笑話。最後，我應該尋求友善和熱情的平衡，足以發起對話，但不至於讓人畏懼。開發社交技巧是一個需要時間和努力的過程，但對於我的未來來說，這是至關重要的投資。