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2021

  • 2 min read

On Feeling Drained by Social Interactions

Social interactions often leave me, an introvert, feeling drained. The last time I experienced this was at a farewell party surrounded by friends. The organizer had requested that everyone bring food to share, so I opted for a French baguette and assorted alcoholic beverages like vodka and tonic, Kenmore whiskey, and ginger ale. I chose these Western-style items to stand out, but they remained untouched by the end of the party. This left me questioning whether I should feel ashamed for not conforming to the cultural norms of Hong Kong, where people typically prefer Chinese food.

During the event, my friends engaged in small talk, discussing topics like favorite foods, workplace quirks, and other random matters. I mostly stayed silent, not because I'm unfriendly, but because I had nothing to contribute. For example, if the conversation turned to gaming, sports, or Western music, I was out of my depth, given my lack of interest in these subjects. I found it exhausting to sit there for an hour, nodding in agreement, pretending to be an engaged listener.

To counteract my social shortcomings, I could consider changing my lifestyle to become more outgoing and diverse. More social outings could enrich my experience, allowing me to share stories about activities like wakeboarding. Broadening my circle of friends would expose me to interesting anecdotes, and staying informed through books and news could add depth to my contributions in conversations. Otherwise, if I continue leading a monotonous life—staring at a computer screen day and night, eating the same meals, and never stepping outside my comfort zone—my social interactions will remain unremarkable. Being open to new experiences and adopting different perspectives can enrich my life. Having a range of hobbies, such as rock climbing, kayaking, coffee brewing, or wine tasting, can offer me more to talk about and connect over.

To mitigate the draining feeling I experience during social interactions, I need to improve my conversational skills to avoid awkward moments. It was an eye-opener to realize that some people can become the life of the party without revealing much about themselves. They skillfully steer conversations by acknowledging and commenting on others' remarks, asking questions, and giving genuine compliments. Although I've read numerous self-improvement books on building relationships, I've yet to put these techniques into practice. While reading about these methods is encouraging, applying them in real-life situations can be daunting, which is why I've hesitated.

In both my personal and professional life, mastering the art of relationship-building, connecting, and establishing rapport is crucial. If I can learn to derive energy rather than fatigue from social interactions, my overall happiness and success will likely improve.

  • in podcast
  • 3 min read

On Feeling Drained by Social Interactions

Welcome, everyone, to another episode of Continuous Improvement. I'm your host, Victor, and today we're diving into a topic that hits close to home for introverts like myself – social interactions. Specifically, how they can leave us feeling drained and what we can do about it.

Let me share a personal experience with you. Recently, I attended a farewell party with my friends. As an introvert, such gatherings can be overwhelming, and this one was no exception. There was small talk, laughter, and an array of delicious Chinese food. Amidst all this, I felt like I was on the outskirts, not being able to fully engage or contribute.

You see, I had brought a Western-style spread of a French baguette and some assorted alcoholic beverages, hoping to add a unique touch. But to my surprise, it remained untouched by the end of the party. This made me question if I should have conformed to the cultural norms of Hong Kong, where Chinese cuisine is usually preferred.

It's moments like these that make us contemplate our own social shortcomings. But instead of dwelling on them, let's explore how we can grow and improve our social interactions.

One approach I've considered is changing my lifestyle to become more outgoing and diverse. Perhaps attending more social outings, trying new activities like wakeboarding or broadening my circle of friends could enrich my experiences and give me more to contribute in conversations. The key here is to step outside our comfort zones and be open to new experiences and perspectives.

Another important aspect is improving our conversational skills. Think about those people who effortlessly navigate conversations, engaging others without revealing much about themselves. It's admirable, isn't it? But how do they do it?

I've read countless self-improvement books on building relationships, but I've yet to put those techniques into practice. The truth is, applying them in real-life situations can be challenging and overwhelming. However, it's important for us to strive to improve this aspect of our lives. The skill of acknowledging and commenting on others' remarks, asking questions, and giving genuine compliments can help steer conversations and establish rapport.

Now, mastering the art of building relationships doesn't just apply to our personal lives – it's equally important for our professional success. By learning how to derive energy rather than fatigue from social interactions, we can enhance our overall happiness and achievements.

But let's not forget that balance is key. As introverts, it's crucial to ensure we also have enough time for solitude and self-care. We need to recharge in our own ways to be the best versions of ourselves in social settings.

As we reflect on our own social interactions, let's challenge ourselves to continuously improve. Let's strive to broaden our experiences, sharpen our conversational skills, and find ways to nourish our introverted souls.

That's it for today's episode of Continuous Improvement. I hope you found some valuable insights to help you navigate social interactions. Don't forget to join me next time for more discussions on personal growth and development.

Until then, remember - continuous improvement is the key to unlocking our true potential. Take care, and stay curious!

  • in zh
  • 1 min read

對於社交互動感到疲憊不堪

社交互動經常讓我，一個內向者，感到疲憊不堪。最後一次經歷這種情況是在一個與朋友們共度的告別派對上。主辦者要求每個人帶一些食物來分享，所以我選擇了法式長包和各種酒類，如伏特加和湛藍，肯莫爾威士忌，還有姜汁汽水。我選擇這些西式的項目以便突出自己，但它們在派對結束時仍未被觸及。這讓我懷疑我是否應該為不符合香港文化規範而感到羞愧，那裡的人通常更愛中國食物。

在活動中，我的朋友們進行了閒聊，討論了各種話題，如最愛的食物，職場趣聞，和其他隨機的事情。我基本上保持沉默，並非因為我不友好，而是因為我沒有什麼可以貢獻的。例如，如果對話轉向遊戲，體育，或西方音樂，由於我對這些主題興趣不大，我就無所適從。坐在那裡點頭表示同意，假裝自己是個投入的聽眾，我覺得非常疲憊。

為了抵消我在社交上的短處，我可以考慮改變生活方式，變得更外向和多元化。更多的社交活動可以豐富我的經驗，讓我能分享像滑水板這樣的活動的故事。擴大我的朋友圈可以讓我接觸到有趣的趣聞，通過讀書和新聞保持了解可以增加我在對話中的深度。否則，如果我繼續過著單調的生活 - 日夜盯著電腦屏幕，吃著相同的飯菜，從未走出我的舒適區 - 我的社交互動將始終平凡無奇。對新體驗保持開放態度，並採用不同的觀點可以豐富我的生活。擁有各種愛好，例如攀岩，皮划艇，咖啡沖泡或品酒，可以提供更多的話題，幫助我建立連接。

為了減輕我在社交互動中所感到的疲憊感，我需要提高我的會話技巧，以避免尷尬的時刻。讓我大開眼界的是，有些人可以在不透露太多關於自己的情況下成為派對中的焦點。他們擅長引導對話，對他人的言論表示認可並加以評論，提問，並給予真誠的讚美。雖然我已經閱讀了許多有關建立關係的自我提升書籍，但我還沒有將這些技巧付諸實踐。雖然閱讀這些方法使人充滿信心，但在現實生活中應用它們可能會讓人感到畏懼，這就是我猶豫的原因。

無論在個人生活還是職業生涯中，掌握建立關係，建立人際聯結，和建立良好關係的藝術至關重要。如果我能從社交互動中得到能量，而不是疲憊，那麼我的整體幸福感和成功可能會得到提高。

  • 2 min read

On Finding It Difficult to Approach Others

The last time I attended a networking event at a hotel as a guest, I was surrounded by strangers. Some people seemed to know each other and carried on chatting, while others were engrossed in their phones. My goal for being there was to meet new people and expand my social circle. However, instead of approaching anyone, I sat quietly in a corner. Eventually, a couple sat next to me. Excited yet relaxed, I contemplated introducing myself and striking up a conversation. But my hesitation took over. The longer I remained silent, the more challenging it became to initiate any social interaction. As time passed, my anxiety and social awkwardness intensified, making it feel as though time had come to a standstill.

Eventually, a speaker took the stage, and everyone returned to their seats. During the break, people reformed into small groups and resumed their conversations. I found it hard to integrate myself into any of these discussions. I felt that merely listening to people or discussing trivial matters like the weather would appear awkward.

In hindsight, I realize I could have approached the situation differently. There was no reason for me to be scared. After all, everyone was there to socialize and connect. It's not just about me; it's about collective interaction. Networking isn’t solely for expanding my social circle; it’s also about the value I can bring to the conversation. A meaningful dialogue occurs when we share ideas, whether interesting news or something that brings joy. By considering the other person's point of view, I could offer a potential solution, benefiting everyone involved. In the worst-case scenario, I risk rejection or embarrassment. However, since neither party knows the other well, no real harm is done. The upside, meanwhile, is limitless: I could learn something new, make a friend, or even advance my career.

If approaching larger groups intimidates me, I could start by interacting with individuals to overcome this shortcoming. To draw an analogy, the only way to learn to swim is to jump into the water. Reading numerous books on networking won’t help unless I practice. So, akin to learning to swim in a safety-netted pool, I could start by approaching people in more relaxed settings. The more people I meet, the more confident I become in my social skills. This confidence enables me to engage in deeper conversations and build genuine connections rather than sticking to mundane topics and generating an awkward atmosphere. By shifting my focus from myself to others, I become a better listener. Actively listening and offering insightful responses can lead to inspiring, engaging, and meaningful connections. One conversation at a time, I have the potential to make a positive impact.

  • in podcast
  • 2 min read

On Finding It Difficult to Approach Others

Welcome back to another episode of "Continuous Improvement." I'm your host, Victor, and today, we'll be diving into the topic of overcoming social awkwardness and maximizing networking opportunities. We've all been in situations where we feel uncertain and uncomfortable in social settings, but it's time to break free from that fear and embrace the power of connecting with others.

Now, let me paint a picture for you. Imagine attending a networking event, surrounded by strangers. Some people seem to effortlessly socialize, while others, like you and me, find themselves hesitating, feeling anxious, and struggling to strike up a conversation. Perhaps you even retreat to a corner, feeling increasingly disconnected as time passes.

In a recent blog post I came across, the author shares their personal experience of attending a networking event. They found themselves lost in a sea of unfamiliar faces, unsure how to break the ice. The fear of rejection and the dread of social awkwardness seemed to take hold. But this story doesn't end there.

The author reflects on their experience and realizes that there was no reason to be scared. After all, everyone present was there with the same purpose - to socialize, connect, and share experiences. It wasn't solely about expanding their own social circle but also about the value they could bring to the conversation. The realization dawns that meaningful dialogue occurs when we share ideas, opening doors to potential solutions and benefiting everyone involved.

It's true. Sometimes, the fear of initiating conversation holds us back, preventing us from learning something new, making a friend, or even advancing our careers. But what if we shift our focus from ourselves to others? How can we become better listeners and offer insightful responses that create engaging and meaningful connections?

To overcome the intimidation of approaching larger groups, the author suggests starting with one-on-one interactions. Just like learning to swim by jumping into the water, reading countless books on networking won't help unless we put ourselves out there and practice. By gradually building confidence through connecting with individuals in relaxed settings, we can develop our social skills and engage in deeper conversations.

By shifting our mindset and actively listening, we have the potential to make a positive impact, sparking inspiration and building genuine connections. It all starts with one conversation at a time.

So, for our listeners who may find themselves feeling socially awkward or hesitant in networking situations, remember this: the upsides of initiating conversations far outweigh any potential rejection or embarrassment. The more we practice, the more comfortable we become, and the greater our chances are of creating meaningful connections.

Well, that brings us to the end of today's episode. I hope you found these insights on overcoming social awkwardness valuable. Remember, continuous improvement is not just about personal growth—it's about expanding our horizons and connecting with others.

Thank you for tuning in to "Continuous Improvement" with me, Victor. Until next time, keep embracing new challenges, stepping out of your comfort zone, and improving every single day.

  • in zh
  • 1 min read

關於發現和他人接觸的困難

上次我作為一位嘉賓出席了一場酒店的交際活動，我被陌生人包圍。有些人似乎互相認識並繼續聊天，而其他人則專注於他們的手機。我在那裡的目的是結識新人並擴大我的社交圈。然而，我並沒有去接觸任何人，而是安靜地坐在一個角落裡。最後，一對夫妻坐在了我旁邊。我興奮但又放鬆，考慮自我介紹並開始交談。但我猶豫不決。我保持沉默的時間越長，開始任何社交互動就越有挑戰性。隨著時間的推移，我的焦慮和社交尷尬感加劇，使我感到時間仿佛停滯不前。

最後，一位演講者上台，每個人都回到自己的位置上。休息時間，人們重新形成小組並恢復了他們的對話。我發現很難把我自己融入到這些討論中。我覺得僅僅聆聽人們或討論像天氣這樣的小事會顯得尷尬。

回想起來，我意識到我本可以以不同的方式處理這種情況。我沒有理由害怕。畢竟，每個人都在那裡來社交和連接。這不僅僅關於我；這是一種集體互動。交際不僅僅是為了擴大我的社交圈；也關乎我可以為對話帶來的價值。當我們分享觀念時，不論是有趣的新聞或是帶來喜悅的事情，都會有有意義的對話發生。考慮他人的觀點，我可以提供可能的解決方案，使每個參與者受益。在最壞的情況下，我可能會遭到拒絕或尷尬。但是，由於雙方都不太了解對方，因此實際上並無真正的償害。然而，上升的空間，無窮無盡：我可以學到新的知識，交到新朋友，甚至提升我的職業生涯。

如果接觸較大的群體使我感到恐慌，我可以從接觸個人開始來克服這個缺點。打個比方，學習游泳的唯一方式就是跳進水裡。讀了很多關於交際的書籍也無濟於事，除非我去實踐。所以，就像在有保護網的游泳池學習游泳一樣，我可以先從在較為輕鬆的環境中接觸人們開始。我認識的人越多，我對我的社交技巧越有信心。這種信心使我能夠進行更深入的交談，並建立真正的連接，而不是僵化在單調的主題上，產生尷尬的氣氛。通過將我的注意力從自己轉向他人，我成為一個更好的聆聽者。積極聽取並提供有洞見的回應可以導致激勵人心的，有吸引力的，有意義的聯繫。一次對話接一次對話，我有可能帶來積極的影響。

  • 3 min read

Overcoming Silence -How to Engage with Strangers Effectively

I often find it difficult to speak up when I'm in the presence of strangers. During company meetings involving senior management and various stakeholders, many of my colleagues join the virtual call. At the end of these meetings, our director often asks if anyone has any questions. More often than not, silence ensues. Even in informal gatherings, the situation doesn’t improve; the boss usually monopolizes the conversation, sharing anecdotes without anyone daring to interrupt him. As a leader, I know I should speak up, but finding the right words can be a challenge.

This reticence to speak out has historical roots. In ancient China, if a government official said something that displeased the Emperor, the immediate response was often execution—of the official and his family. This historical context has led to a culture that advises caution when speaking within social hierarchies. However, this mindset is not appropriate in a startup environment, where feedback is essential for informed decision-making at the top levels. If I remain too reserved and overly polite around strangers, I won't develop into a better leader.

To address this, my first step is to exercise empathy. Strangers may also be hesitant to speak because they fear judgment. If I put myself in their shoes, I realize they are likely just as uncomfortable with the silence. By offering appreciation or asking insightful questions, I can show that I am actively listening, thus encouraging a more open dialogue. A warm smile, small talk, and genuine compliments can also make me appear more approachable, which in turn can make strangers more comfortable around me. It's a reciprocal relationship: a positive atmosphere requires active participation from both parties.

Finally, I aim to improve my communication skills by engaging strangers in conversation. This includes asking questions to involve them, offering comments to keep the conversation flowing, and using humor or storytelling to ease any tension.

To overcome my struggle with being overly quiet, I've committed to enhancing my communication skills. Writing has been a valuable tool for me to refine my English and organize my thoughts, thus preparing me for conversations with strangers. To have meaningful discussions, I need to continually challenge myself to step out of my comfort zone and engage with new experiences and ideas. Living a monotonous life limits my conversational topics, which doesn't add value to interactions with others. If you're not well-read or curious, you won't have fresh perspectives or independent opinions to bring into discussions. Thus, continuous learning is essential for genuinely engaging with people.

In conclusion, the journey to becoming more communicative and less reserved in social settings is ongoing. The more I engage positively with strangers, the more confident I'll become for future interactions. And who knows? We might just be surprised at how much we can learn from one another.

  • in podcast
  • 2 min read

Overcoming Silence -How to Engage with Strangers Effectively

Welcome back to another episode of "Continuous Improvement," the podcast where we explore personal and professional growth strategies to help you become the best version of yourself. I'm your host, Victor, and today we'll be tackling a common challenge many of us face – speaking up in the presence of strangers.

Have you ever found it difficult to find the right words or muster up the courage to speak up in meetings or informal gatherings? If so, you're not alone. In today's episode, we'll dive into the reasons behind this reticence and discuss some practical steps to overcome it.

Our blog post today sheds light on the historical roots of this issue. In ancient China, government officials feared execution if they said something that displeased the Emperor. This historical context has created a culture where caution is advised when speaking up within social hierarchies. However, in today's startup environment, feedback and open dialogue are crucial for effective decision-making.

So, how can we address this challenge and become better leaders?

The first step is to exercise empathy. Remember that strangers may also hesitate to speak up due to their fear of judgment. By putting ourselves in their shoes and actively listening, we can create a more open and comfortable environment for everyone. A warm smile, small talk, and genuine compliments can also make us appear approachable and encourage others to engage with us.

Now, improving our communication skills is essential to overcoming this struggle with reticence. Engaging strangers in conversation through questions, comments, and even storytelling helps keep the dialogue flowing. Additionally, continuously challenging ourselves by stepping outside our comfort zones and engaging with new experiences and ideas can greatly enhance our conversational topics and make interactions more meaningful.

Writing can also be a valuable tool in refining our language skills and organizing our thoughts. It helps prepare us for conversations with strangers and enables us to bring fresh perspectives and independent opinions to the table. Remember, continuous learning is key to genuinely engaging with people and expanding our knowledge base.

In conclusion, the journey to becoming more communicative and less reserved in social settings is an ongoing process. The more we engage positively with strangers, the more confident we become for future interactions. And who knows? We might just be pleasantly surprised by how much we can learn from one another.

That wraps up today's episode of "Continuous Improvement." I hope you found the insights and strategies discussed here helpful in overcoming your struggles with speaking up in the presence of strangers. Remember, personal and professional growth is a continuous journey, and every step counts.

If you enjoyed today's episode, make sure to subscribe to the podcast and leave us a review. Also, feel free to reach out to me on social media using the handle @VictorCI for any questions or topic suggestions you'd like us to explore in future episodes.

Thank you for tuning in to "Continuous Improvement." Until next time, keep striving for greatness and never stop improving.

  • in zh
  • 1 min read

克服沉默 - 如何有效地與陌生人交流

我經常發現我在陌生人面前很難開口。在公司會議中，涉及高級管理層和各種利益相關者，許多同事都參加了虛擬呼叫。在這些會議結束時，我們的主管經常問是否有人有任何問題。然而，通常都是沉默。即便在非正式的聚會中，情況也沒有改進；老闆通常壟斷對話，分享軼事，沒有人敢打斷他。作為一名領導者，我知道我應該說話，但是找到合適的詞語可能會是一個挑戰。

這種不願發言的態度有歷史根源。在古代中國，如果一個政府官員說了什麼讓皇帝不高興的事，立即的反應通常是處決官員和他的家人。這一歷史背景導致了一種謹慎在社會等級制度中發言的文化。然而，這種心態在初創環境中並不適合，反饋對於高層作出知情決策是必不可少的。如果我在陌生人面前保持過於保守和過分禮貌，我就不會成為一個更好的領導者。

為了解決這個問題，我首先要做的是運用同理心。陌生人可能也猶豫不決，因為他們害怕被評判。如果我將自己置身於他們的地位，我意識到他們可能也對沉默感到不舒服。通過表示讚賞或提出有洞察力的問題，我可以表明我正在積極聆聽，從而鼓勵更開放的對話。溫暖的微笑，閒聊，和真誠的讚美也可以使我顯得更加親近，從而使陌生人在我面前感到更舒服。這是一種互惠的關係：積極的氣氛需要雙方的積極參與。

最後，我希望通過與陌生人進行對話來提高我的溝通技巧。這包括提問問題讓他們參與進來，提出評論以保持對話的流暢，使用幽默或敘事來緩解任何緊張。

為了克服我過於安靜的困擾，我承諾提高我的溝通技巧。寫作對我來說是一種寶貴的工具，讓我磨練我的英語和組織我的思想，從而為我與陌生人的對話做好準備。要進行有意義的討論，我需要不斷挑戰自己走出舒適區，接觸新的體驗和想法。過著單調的生活會限制我的對話話題，這對與他人的互動沒有增值。如果你不善閱讀或好奇，你就不會有新的觀點或獨立的觀點可以帶入討論。因此，不斷的學習對於真正的與人交往是必不可少的。

總之，成為更具交際性和在社交場合更少保留的旅程正在進行中。我與陌生人的正面交流越多，我對未來的交流就越有自信。而且誰知道呢？我們可能會對我們可以從彼此身上學到的東西感到驚訝。

  • 2 min read

On Missing Opportunities Due to Isolation

During a leadership training course, our instructor posed a question about how we could improve our community in the face of the ongoing COVID-19 crisis. Suggestions could range from promoting social distancing to encouraging mask-wearing and frequent exercise. After a reflective five-minute silence, the instructor invited people to share their thoughts. Surprisingly, no one volunteered. We all avoided making eye contact with him. Finally, he moved on to debriefing the session, marking a moment of collective realization that although we were enrolled in a leadership course, none of us took the initiative to speak or lead. When questioned, some admitted they were afraid of misunderstanding the topic, some claimed they didn't know what to say, and others confessed to feeling shy. This was an opportunity to demonstrate leadership skills, but I, too, failed to seize it.

If I could turn back time, I would certainly raise my hand, ready my thoughts, and take the floor. I should have remembered that people are likely to forget my words and that we may never cross paths again. Most daily memories fade; I've already forgotten more than 80% of what the instructor taught and couldn't even recognize the attendees today. This is regrettable, as my original intent for joining the course was to expand my professional network.

In retrospect, there are several lessons I've learned. Firstly, I should embrace every opportunity that comes my way. Each chance carries inherent risks; for example, a joke might not land well because humor varies across cultures. However, what's the worst that could happen? While it might be uncomfortable, it won't be life-threatening and will probably offer a valuable lesson. Secondly, I plan to improve my public speaking abilities, which is why I'm joining a Toastmasters club. Though it feels unnatural for me to address a crowd, that's better than remaining silent when I have valuable insights to add to the conversation. Thirdly, I would remind myself to take a deep breath and enjoy the spotlight rather than stressing about it.

By being open to various experiences, I can become a better leader. I'll seize every opportunity to provide impactful presentations and exhibit charisma, even in socially uncomfortable situations.