My Imposter Syndrome, Insecurity, and Depression
Welcome to Continuous Improvement, the podcast that explores the personal growth journey we all embark on. I’m your host, Victor, and in today’s episode, we’ll be diving deep into a topic that many of us can relate to: imposter syndrome.
Imposter syndrome - the constant feeling of inadequacy and self-doubt that plagues so many IT professionals, including myself. It doesn’t matter how successful we may seem on the outside, the fear of being exposed as a fraud can be paralyzing. Today, I want to share my own experience with imposter syndrome and how I’ve managed to turn it into a driving force for continuous improvement.
As a software developer working at a prestigious consulting firm, I’ve often felt like I don’t belong. My academic background lacked a computer science component, and my first job was in marketing, far away from the world of information technology. Despite my accomplishments, such as becoming the principal Android app developer for a fintech project, the imposter syndrome never left me. I constantly questioned whether I was truly the most knowledgeable expert in the room.
The expectation for IT professionals to be masters of multiple fields can be overwhelming. Cloud computing, networking, architecture, security - the list goes on and on. Trying to keep up with the ever-changing technological landscape can feel like an impossible task. And to make matters worse, there’s that feeling of charging clients a high hourly rate for answering questions they could easily find online.
I tried to combat my insecurities by pursuing a part-time master’s degree in computer science. But instead of alleviating my imposter syndrome, it only made it worse. Studying complex topics and academic papers left me feeling even more inadequate. It seemed like the more I learned, the more I realized how much I didn’t know.
My imposter syndrome even seeped into my personal life. I met my girlfriend, Jo, during a time when I was juggling an intense job and part-time studies. My own insecurity led me to believe that I didn’t deserve her. I was constantly afraid of losing her, and unfortunately, that fear became a self-fulfilling prophecy. Our relationship fell apart, and I was left devastated.
It was during this dark time that I started to engage in self-reflection and seek ways to improve my emotional well-being. I turned to books like “12 Rules for Life” by Jordan Peterson, finding solace in their wisdom. I realized that my imposter syndrome and insecurities were not only affecting my professional life but also my personal happiness.
I made changes - I switched jobs, focused on physical fitness, and most importantly, I addressed the root causes of my problems. Today, as an engineering manager for a large retail bank, I still experience imposter syndrome from time to time. But instead of letting it paralyze me, I’ve learned to accept it as a motivator for continuous learning and growth.
Sharing my story today is not only a personal catharsis for me, but I hope it also offers solace to others who may be facing similar challenges. You’re not alone in your imposter syndrome, and it doesn’t have to define you. Let’s embrace it as a catalyst for growth and use it to fuel our journey towards becoming the best versions of ourselves.
That’s all for today’s episode of Continuous Improvement. Thank you for joining me on this discussion around imposter syndrome. Remember, we’re all on this journey together, and by sharing our experiences, we can inspire and support one another. Join me next time as we explore more topics related to personal growth and continuous improvement.