Victor Leung
Victor Leung
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Think before I act

June 18, 2021

I went insane when my girlfriend, Joanne, broke up with me. With depression, I was acting incredibly emotional. It's possible that if I could think before I act, try to heal the relationship rationally, and behave strategically, my life would be very different.

Instead, I was going insane, and every step I took was damaging to us. I was about to get down on my knees and ask Joanne's forgiveness. I had hoped that my actions and honesty would persuade her to change her view, but it did not. It did more harm than good since it revealed my neediness and insecurity.

She blocked all forms of communication, including WhatsApp, phone calls, and social media. Instead of respecting her space and allowing myself to calm down, I was doing the exact opposite. Ironically, the more I tried to remedy the problem, the further I pushed her away from me.

My unreasonable behaviour resulted in a poor outcome. Nothing seemed to be able to assist me in regaining control of the situation. Everything started to fall apart. My girlfriend resisted my reconciliation. In the relationship, I acknowledged defeat.

Jessica, a new girlfriend I met afterwards, ended our relationship. I found myself in the same dire circumstances once more. The person who used to love me the most was also the one who hurt me the most. Surprisingly, no matter how hard I tried to apologize for such trivial issues, a lady could become so nasty without pity.

And I knew I couldn't make the same mistakes this time. At that point, the best thing to do was to think before I acted. I should sit down, apply a cool, calm and collected method. I reason and ponder on what went wrong before taking the appropriate action. It was the correct decision not to commit suicide.

Instead, I needed the strength to leave the situation and refrain from any damaging behaviour in the last hope of salvaging the relationship. And the only way to mend a relationship is to figure out what's causing the issues, mature up, and try to rekindle the romance. Going down on one's knee was the ugliest thing a man could do.

Love is an emotional experience. It was moving to see the steps I made to mend a shattered friendship. However, I was the only one who was touched by my efforts. When my partner decided she no longer loved me, it was difficult to connect with her. It caused more harm than good since those behaviours were stupid.

At the time, I was not sensible, and all of my acts were motivated by fear. The basis of my anxiety was insecurity, which sprang from the reality that my desires for love were unmet. It was the fear of losing the woman I adored for all time. I could have handled that scenario differently if I had thought about it first. And now, my biggest nightmare has come true.

If I had pondered before acting in such a dreadful position, things might have turned out differently. I was depressed since I couldn't articulate my feelings. To get out of that adventure, I should have sought help from family and friends, as well as professional counselling.

I see no hope in front of me when I fell into depression, and I lacked the fortitude to tackle the challenges that were ahead on my own. I was irritated by the interpersonal settings in which I found myself.

Books were my closest friend when it came to advising me on how to handle this circumstance. Breaking up is nothing new; it happens every day all around the world. I've read many books that I should think about relationships through the eyes of a woman. I'd want to ask you three questions.

What goes through a woman's mind during a breakup? What does she place a premium on? What does she desire and require?

To put the advice into practice, I need to keep my instincts in check and consider them before acting. Find out what the other side of the story is. Consider the various viewpoints at play. Examine my emotional reactions and keep track of when they become illogical.

I had recovered from the romances and relationships that went awry. In life, nothing is perfect, and Murphy’s law plays a part in my life. There is a difference between personal and business. At times, I thought I could use business strategy to solve a personal problem but in vain. A relationship is about two persons. Two persons with different thinking and perspective of life. Can these two persons live harmoniously with diverse differences? For instance, can an introvert live with an extrovert?

I was looking inward during the relationship, producing even more worries for myself. Instead, shift your focus from "me" to "us." Refocus your attention on what matters. Was there a solution for our breakups?

In a broader sense, we should think before we act, especially in personal relationships, when we are prone to lowering our guard to reveal our true selves by acting or speaking stupidly before thinking.

I need to learn to think, which involves having good conversations and listening sympathetically. In addition, improved blood flow to crucial parts of the brain makes me feel better after exercising. I should avoid taking action when I have the least amount of self-control and am prone to making poor decisions.

To achieve equilibrium, I should refrain from overthinking without taking action. Although many people mix the two, thinking and doing are two fundamentally different methods of experiencing the world. Business Studies is a good degree to get if you want to become a Business Studies professor but not make money in the industry. If you're going to be a literary professor, studying literature is ideal, but don't expect it to make you a terrific writer.

Thinking does not equate to action. Ethics professors, who deal with moral issues daily, were no more honest than the rest of us. I can't read a book about being fit while delegating physical activity to someone else. I believe I must act after that.

It's also crucial to understand what's inside and outside my circle of control. Only one thing is in the management process, and that is my thought. I just have one thing to worry about: my thoughts before I act.

Until you get hit in the mouth, everyone has a plan. You won't know if you have what it takes until you go through a month of everything going wrong. It's as easy as that; if you get lucky, you'll never learn how to play decent poker. You simply wouldn't do it. I need to address a more fundamental question before I get fancy with strategy, with the curlicues and trappings of expertise: Am I thinking correctly before acting? I also require a means of evaluating my cognitive process.

About Victor Leung

Software development professional with expertise in application architecture, cloud solutions deployment, and financial products development. Possess a Master's degree in Computer Science and an MBA in Finance. Highly skilled in AWS (Certified Solutions Architect, Developer and SysOps Administrator), GCP (Professional Cloud Architect), Microsoft Azure, Kubernetes(CKA, CKAD, CKS, KCNA), and Scrum(PSM, PSPO) methodologies.

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