Are you single? Or are you married? Maybe are you married but available? For those of you who are single or married but available, you know that finding love is hard.
I am an active user of dating apps, Tinder, Coffee meets Bagel, OkCupid, Hinge… you named it. Dating apps are brutal. Let me tell you how it works. You see a profile picture, swift left to reject and swift right to meet and chat. Most of the time I just got swift left immediately. I didn’t even have a chance to tell you my stories and introduce myself.
Here is what I put in my dating profile for the section about my education. I got three different degrees from the university if this could impress a girl. Let me tell you three stories in these degrees. That’s it. No big deal. Just three stories.
The first degree is a bachelor in Chemistry at the faculty of science.
When I was in high school, I was a dreamer, but my girlfriend was realistic. At that time I was the president of the student union organising events and not spending time to study. However, my girlfriend was the best student in class with straight As in all the subjects and she only spent time studying for good grades in public exams. We had two different dreams.
After the public examinations, we entered two different universities. I chose chemistry because I love science. She chose the business school because she wants a stable income. When we had the summer school holidays, I brought her to travel to a local island in Hong Kong. However, she wants to travel to Europe. The problem is I didn’t have enough money to afford to travel to Europe. She said it’s not about money, it’s about my ambition to work hard and earn more money for our better future. So she broke up with me and started dating another guy instead. He studied business school with a higher prospect of earning a higher income. She abandoned me. Before she left, she asked me: “Come on Victor, can you be more mature?”
My second degree is a master in computer science at engineering school.
My ex-girlfriend was right to abandon me. After I graduated, I got a low salary job, working in a laboratory with long working hours. So I quit and went to Australia for a working holiday. Then when I came back to Hong Kong afterwards, I could not find a job. So I study programming and ended up working as a software engineer. After a few years of work experience, every time I went for a job interview for a software engineer job, the recruiter would ask me: hey but your degree is in Chemistry? So I decided to study for a master degree in computer science.
At that time, I met a new girlfriend on a dating app. I was an introvert, she was an extrovert. I was a software engineer talking to computers more than talking to people. She was a relationship manager at a bank in China talking to clients and selling financial products. What it means is that she earns a higher salary than myself, which triggers my sense of insecurity.
We started dating more and more, and I started to care about her more and more. I want to protect her, but eventually, she decided to go to a social party and wear a bikini. I was insecure and asked if she could wear more clothes. We got into this argument and started fighting because she thinks wearing a bikini is beautiful, but I don’t want her to be seen by other men. I think I was protecting her, but she thinks I am a control freak. So she broke up with me and abandoned me. Before she left, she asked me: “Come on Victor, can you be more mature?”
My third degree is an MBA, a master in business administration, finally in a business school.
After my second degree, I want a better career and earn more money, so I further pursue an MBA degree. I get out of my comfort zone as an introvert and start to network with people. And that involves a lot of drinking.
Then I met a Korean woman and became my girlfriend. I never know her exact age since I never asked. Age is a big secret for women, and they worry about it so much that it’s rude to ask. My best guess is that she’s slightly older than me, although I can’t be sure as Asian women keep a good shape and like frozen their age.
She was calling me “Oppa”, that’s the way Korean women call their boyfriend, and it also means elder brother, but in fact, I was younger than her. I was being silly and joking to call her “Noona”, which means older sister. She didn’t find it funny, She thinks it’s naive and inappropriate.
We travelled together to Australia as I could afford the trip with my income nowadays. But one day, she sent me a Kakao talk message. She said let’s just be friends. She prefers a grown-up man instead, a man who can afford her style of living, a man who can take care of her and a man who is mature and older than her. I was too young and silly with my jokes. She abandoned me. Before she left, she asked me: “Come on Victor, can you be more mature?”
So after all these relationships, I had a self-reflection. It is time for me to act like a grown-up man and become more mature. I am now back to the game and using dating apps. I introduced myself with three degrees: chemistry, computer science and MBA. I was a dreamer when I was young, but now I am more pragmatic. I was an introvert but now I overcome my fear to tell you this story. I was silly in relationships but now I am a mature man. Would you swipe left or swipe right on me?
Originally published at https://victorleungtw.com.